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Wednesday, January 2, 2019

The Writer's Life 1/2 - Protocol

My doctor insisted I have a colonoscopy. I didn't want to do it, although it's been more than ten years since my last. I don't have any symptoms. I asked if I could do the poop in the cup method. He pooh-poohed that, saying it's only 60% effective. I dreaded not only the day before protocol, but having to ask someone to accompany me to the clinic. I asked if there were any place in the neighborhood I could have it and, sure enough, there's one right across the street from Sheepshead Bay, past Ocean Avenue. I've finished drinking the icky cleanser. I mixed it with half a bottle of 42 ounce Sprite, which is probably not the way to do it, but so what? Sue me. I've done four Hershey squirts so far, so I guess it still worked as it was supposed to. Something else has been added to the mix since the last time since my intestines were probed, a one gallon jug that has white powder at the bottom. I filled it with water, shook it vigorously, and just started drinking it. It tastes almost like sea water. I wonder if it has to do with the endoscopy part of the procedure, which examines the stomach. Whatever. I had to complete a bunch of forms written with the worst case scenario in mind. The chances of that are a million to one, but the doctors have to protect themselves from lawsuits. What really rankles me is that I'm supposed to have an escort. It's a 10-15-minute walk. If I don't feel well afterward, I can always wait there until I do or call car service. I'm going solo. If they turn me away, so be it. I anticipate a long night, which is probably a good thing because I have things too easy.


RIP Gene Okerlund, 76, one of the most polished voices ever in pro wrestling. He entered the WWF when Vince McMahon Jr., upon the death of his dad, assumed command, the start of the Hulk Hogan era. He became a terrific foil for the industry's "heels." Well done, sir. Thank you.


The doctors protect themselves and so will this writer. The second proof copy of Inside Out is due to arrive Friday. I'm sending one of my nieces info on how to approve the book and get it on the market just in case the worst occurs tomorrow. I don't want all the work I put into to have been for naught. It's 99% complete as it is. I'm sure I've missed some errors, but not many.

My thanks to the two ladies who each bought a book in Russian, and to the young mom who purchased a children's book, the first sales of 2019; and to Cabbie, who dropped off a paperback thriller; and to local porter Rob, who donated three beautiful pictorials.

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