The Writer's Life 2/20 - How Cold?

A new record low temperature for this date has been set in NYC - four degrees. As I was taking my morning walk, I got to thinking about Johnny Carson's frequent allusions to temperature in his monologues on The Tonight Show. When he first began them, he would go right into the punchline. Along the line somewhere Ed McMahon would chime from off-screen: "How cold was it?" Eventually, a large portion of the audience would shout it out. I was unable to find anything that specifically covered that particular bit of late night fun, but I did root out a bunch of one-liners that someone at a Google+ forum requested.
It's so cold even Van Gogh has his ear muff on. 
It's so cold even the ducks are wearing down jackets. 
It's so cold the hookers in New York are wearing long johns.
It's so cold the cabbies in New York are wearing turbans.
It's so cold the flashers are describing themselves to people.
It's so cold a part of a male's anatomy completely disappears. (Known to fans of Seinfeld as shrinkage.)
It's so cold the politicians have their hands in their OWN pockets. (My favorite)
It's colder than a kiss from my ex-wife.
It's so cold you could freeze the balls off a pool table!
It's so cold even the penguins are flying south for the winter.
It's so cold even the ice is frozen!
It's so cold people are flicking their Bics in their pockets.
It's so cold you can cut glass with my nipples.


I don't have a problem with what Rudy Giuliani said about President Obama. I think it's largely true, otherwise why would he think the country needed fundamental changes. Still, Rudy shouldn't have said it. It plays right into the stereotype of the intolerant Republican. More has been lost than won because of the comment. It doesn't matter if he was speaking privately. Although we're all vulnerable to saying something stupid, there are those salivating to publicize such slips. He should have known better, but I hope he doesn't apologize. It will not appease the opposition.


I'm so looking forward to Sunday when the temperature is expected to crack 40.

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