Swedish massages for rabbits and treadmill-riding mountain lions top the list of Sen. Tom Coburn’s annual catalog of how the federal government is wasting billions of taxpayer dollars. The rabbits were given mechanical rubdowns for a study on the impact of massage following exercise, which was funded by a $387,000 grant from the National Institutes of Health. Three mountain lions were taught to use a treadmill on an $856,000 grant from the National Science Foundation. Their energy consumption and “pounce power” were being monitored for a study on wild cats. Another NSF study had couples push pins into voodoo dolls to study the effects of hunger on anger (Voodoo Economics?). This nutty study cost $331,000. The Postal Service blows $77 million each year shipping Coke, Mountain Dew, and Clorox wipes to remote Alaska villages. The troubled agency has been hemorrhaging money in recent years, but under existing law it is obliged to ferry goods anywhere in the U.S., including tiny Alaska hamlets. “I have learned from these experiences that Washington will never change itself. But even if the politicians won’t stop stupid spending, taxpayers always have the last word,” said Coburn. (And we keep electing people who are spendthrifts.)
Among other items deemed wasteful by the Oklahoma Republican:
The $55,000 spent providing security for Hillary Clinton’s book tour in Europe. (This should have come out of her own deep pockets.)
The Agriculture Department tried to close the US Sheep Experimental Research Station in Idaho, which costs $2 million per year, but Congress intervened to save it. (Baa!)
Dairy grants totaling $1.2 million helped farmers develop kosher artisanal raw milk cheese and helped an Idaho farm market its ice cream so it could maintain its drive-thru store. (Any ice cream that has to be subsidized must be the world's worst.)
The Agriculture Department awarded $200,000 to a company that uses worms for composting. Sens. Schumer and Gillibrand backed the award. One grant helped the company improve the profitability of hydroponic baby leaf spinach. Schumer said the company’s “unique composting method eliminates excess waste from our growing dairy industry as they expand to meet new growing demand for products like Greek Yogurt.” (Then why don't they ask Greek yogurt makers for the funds?)
An NSF-funded gambling study concluded that monkeys share our unfounded belief in winning streaks. The study, at the University of Rochester, presented monkeys with different games, some fixed, some random, to observe their responses. (Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle!)
(And this is only chump change compared to what is lost by loose standards and fraud in entitlements.)
The University of North Carolina is being rocked by an academic scandal involving 3100 former students, 1500 of them athletes. For 18 years, from 1993-2011, students were enrolled in no-show classes in the Afro-American curriculum. During that span, the storied basketball team won three national championships. I wonder how many of those 3100 actually graduated. And it seemed the education bar couldn't get any lower.
Given the mist, I had two choices regarding the floating book shop. I checked out conditions at the viaduct at E. 15th, where it was very windy. I decided to go to the rear of the Sheepshead Bay train station, which, while outdoors, is enclosed on three sides and dry. Besides my desire to sell books, I wanted to see if cops were still shooing unlicensed vendors away. I didn't see a single patrol for two hours. Finally, one came to a stop to the left of the station. No one exited, so I figured I was home free. Ten minutes later another car pulled beside the first. Soon the second came rolling to a stop. The two officers, a man and woman, couldn't have been nicer. The male told me to ditch the sign I was wearing, as it was evidence that I was selling and not giving away my books. Speaking quietly, he cautioned me about his superior, a woman in a white shirt. "She has no heart," he said. When she approached she was nice also. She asked if the books were religious. I wasn't nervous but I didn't think it would be wise to make a joke of that. She asked for my license and said to give it to the other female officer, who took out her cell phone and walked away. I haven't even gotten a parking ticket in a decade. She soon returned my ID, apologizing, the boss having returned to her car. Her partner said I could have been arrested. I was shocked, expecting that such an offense would warrant only a ticket. He said train stations were off limits. I thanked the pair and began to pack up. I won't be going back there.
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Vic's Short Story Collection: http://www.tiny.cc/Oycgb
Vic's 2nd Novel: http://tiny.cc/0iHLb Kindle: http://tinyurl.com/kx3d3uf
Vic's 1st Novel: http://tiny.cc/rP7o9
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