The initial shock of my friend Bill's passing has subsided. Now I'm angry that such a good guy was taken prematurely. Seeing him at rest in the casket was gut-wrenching and galling. He should be on his way home from work right about now, ready to sit down to dinner with Susan and Junior, not dead. He is the closest friend I've lost so far. More will come -- if I don't go first. The autopsy revealed he'd suffered a previous heart attack. We'll never know if it was one of those silent ones that go undetected, if he mistook it for heartburn, or if he was in denial. His dad was only 56 when he died of cancer, his brother only 50 when he left us two years ago. His mom was in her seventies when a heart ailment took her. Terrified of hospitals, she refused to go in for what is a common procedure these days. The entire immediate family is gone. Fortunately, Junior remains to carry on the name. I'm not sure if what I'm feeling is survivor's guilt. I was slightly inconvenienced by Hurricane Sandy, while so many around me lost so much. Why? I wondered. As terrible as it was, it did not affect me nearly as much as Bill's passing has. Why him and not me? Why am I so lucky? If there is a Creator, I know He doesn't decree these things, so I don't curse Him. Maybe the feeling is nothing more than the acknowledgment that my time will come, perhaps as suddenly as Bill's did. If one of life's good guys so quickly perished, what chance does one as selfish as I have? I often mentally refer to men with a wife and children and a mortgage as "real" people, as opposed to me, especially these days when I no longer even have a "real" job. Maybe that's it. Maybe Bill's passing has reminded me of all I have failed to attain, and that time is running out. The past few days I've had good luck selling books on the street. The endeavor seems even sillier than usual in light of Bill's passing.
Shifting gears completely, I am intrigued by a story from the world of college sports. Four years ago Auburn University made the surprise hiring of Gene Chizik as its football coach. Many alums were appalled. Chizik's teams were only 5-19 in his two seasons at the helm at Iowa St.. Auburn has a proud tradition. Southerners take football very seriously. There was still grumbling when the team went 8-5 in Chizik's first season. That just isn't good enough at some schools. Then, in 2010, Cam Newton burst onto the scene, carrying the Tigers to 14-0 mark and a national championship. With Newton gone to the NFL, the team slipped back to 8-5 in 2011. This season was a total disaster, 3-9. Auburn was outscored by its opponents 272-81, and Chizik was fired. How quickly it can all change.
I went on a foolish odyssey today operating the floating book shop. I decided to go to Park Slope, although I did not have a single sale there last week. I waited a half hour for a parking space to open up, lost patience and left. I waited another half hour for a spot back in Sheepshead Bay. By then, I had about an hour before sunshine and warmth left my usual nook. My luck continued, as a tall Russian gentleman approached, returning one book and buying four others, grossly overpaying. Spasibo, sir. I just don't understand why I'm so lucky while someone like Bill is not.
Visit Vic's sites:
Vic's Third Novel (Print or Kindle): http://tinyurl.com/7e9jty3
Vic's Website: http://members.tripod.com/vic_fortezza/Literature/
Vic's Short Story Collection (Print or Kindle): http://www.tiny.cc/Oycgb
Vic's 2nd Novel: http://tinyurl.com/6b86st6
Vic's 1st Novel: http://tiny.cc/94t5h
Vic's Screenplay on Kindle: http://tinyurl.com/cyckn3
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